Changes

*Originally posted July 2015*

My life has undergone many changes since I started this blog in 2013. Some of them have been devastating and made me feel like throwing in the towel.  Others have been wonderful, positive additions to my life that I continue to be grateful for.  Either way, I know that I am growing as a person. I can see the difference in myself, and I know that others around me can as well.

If you’re new to this blog, know that there were posts before this. However, with help from my husband, the readers, and an amazing publisher I’m turning those chapters of my life into a book.

It will be out soon, so keep watching.  If you have been reading my blog all along, I would first like to say THANK YOU.  You have no idea the impact that you have had on my life.  Whether you commented or not, you have made me feel like I can face this disease head on while continuing to help others.

When I look back on the last few months, I can say that I’ve been doing pretty well.  Most of my episodes of depression have been relatively brief, and the good days outweigh the bad.  I’ve noticed lately, however, that I have fallen back into the routine of not being able to fall asleep until very late at night, and feeling horrible when I finally wake up the next day.  If you add to that concern for my aging father, my own physical ailments, and the terrifying experience of having one of our cats get sick, I’m feeling rather down.

I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders right now.  Truthfully, it isn’t anything that I normally wouldn’t be able to handle, but I’ve got a few things stacked up against me; lack of sleep being number one.  Anyone that deals with Bipolar disorder on a regular basis knows that it often feels like you’re walking across an unstable bridge that is swinging back and forth while you’re trying to steady your pace.

Something else I’ve noticed that I didn’t entirely expect is an overwhelming sense of sadness reading through my previous posts. Don’t get me wrong, writing about all of my struggles has helped me immensely, but it has also made me have to relive them on a fairly regular basis.  At times, it’s causing nightmares and flashbacks. However this makes me feel, I plan on accepting that this is all just a part of the process and will pass.  I can’t let something like that keep me from my goals.  I have spent far too much of my life wishing that things could be different. I finally have a chance at a dream I’ve had for decades, and I’m moving full steam ahead.

Now that I am finally free to tell the world that I am an Author, I plan on shouting it from the rooftops.  Shortly, I will be a Published Author. Now is the time for me to try to focus on all of the positivity that could come from the changes I have made, and try desperately not to let myself get in the way.

I’ve worked too hard and too long to have it any other way.

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